Universal Ubernuke

The Universal Ubernuke is the most powerful agent as of this transcript. It was created in a lab miles below New Jersey by me - Scientist 0X. It was the biggest mistake anyone made. It is solely a small nuke aparatus... pressing the included button will, in theory, destroy the entire universe. It does this by symphoning the energy from every possible distant location and compressing it to a very fine point - it then stops compressing, and it releases such energy that it may create an entire new universe. I spent 50 years making this in private and now the FBI must seize it to reverse-engineer its mystical technologies. But the joke's on them... if they tamper with it in any way besides handling, it activates. Even a bit of dust flying in through a tiny gap will set it off, which is why I stored it in a perfect vacuum without any gravity, and an electromagnetic field in place to keep it floating...

You can take it off my hands for 20 Monkey Money. I don't care anymore.

(Editor's note: It deals (TREE(∞))^(TREE(∞)) damage to everything in our universe. Nothing will survive, not even a single photon. You can only use it once, ever, since it annihilates the ENTIRE INTERNET.)